London Diaries - Weathering it

When I landed in London, I decided I'll try and blend in. 

Not with the accent and the looks. 

Nor with the fish and chips.

And no, I wasn't going to go around looting shops.

I thought I'd strike up a conversation about the weather.

After all, its England.

Its the land, the most competitive, distinguished and prestigious job is that of the weather forecaster for prime time news.
Why?

He gets to talk about the weather to the whole nation.

Beat that.

Oh every place has its own conversation starter.

In Calcutta, you can just say "kii aar bolbo!" (whats left to say anyway) with a look of wonderment on your face.

The bus conductor will think you're talking about fuel prices.

The average guy/girl on the road will think you were sighing after the girl that just walked past.

Everyone else will take it you're talking abt Saurav Ganguly's exclusion from the Indian team.

Anyway, I digress.

Blending in. 

Weather conversation. 

Yah. 

Lets do it.

I arrive at my hotel and meet the concierge who was to hand me the keys.

Pleasant man.

British accent.

"Oh whelcome sirh, iyts a pleaszure to have you"

*rubbing hands together*

This was the crucible for me to test my weather potion.

The canvas for my weather brush.

The papyrus for my weather plot.

You get the picture?

Yah.

The guy for my weather talk.

And so I began.

"Thanks a lot. Awful weather though, isnt it"

I think I piqued his national pride by introducing the weather as a concept between us first.

Or woke him up from a long slumber and poured a pitcher of red bull down his throat.

The effect was the same.

Concierge: "Oh truly. Its been going on in this fashion since morning. Its such a nuisance. We has splendid weather the whole of last week - bright sunshine, clear days. Light breeze on the weekend. Not much rain except some smattering here and there. But this morning its been..."

I never knew what hit me.

By and by, he handed me the keys to my room and I found a moment between today's weather analysis and tomorrow's forecast to cut him and ask for directions to the lift. 

I walked over to the lift.

Door open.

Press floor button.

Door close.

Sigh of relief.

Got off at my floor.

Walked along the corridor to my room.

As I fumbled for the right key, a guy got out of the apartment next to mine.

Guy: "Good morning. Just moving in?"

Polite meaningless conversation. 

No worries.

I got this one.

Me: "Yeah, just arrived an hour ago"

Guy: "Oh nice. First time in London?"

Me: "Yeah"

Guy: "Oh well. Awful weather isn't it."

Me: *gulp*