Blog 202: Me, myself and my f***ed up accent

But, how I caught it, found it, or came by it
What stuff 'tis made of, whereof it is born
I am to learn
And such a want wit sadness makes of me
That I have much ado to know myself

If there was one thing that i could change about myself, one thing that i hate about myself, one thing that makes me embarrass myself... it'd be my accent. I mean, speaking comes to everyone naturally...to me too...but 'jiski nahin phati bawai...so kya samjhe peer parayi'.

I dunno where i acquired this accent from. Rather, I never acquired this accent; it’s just an intrinsic part of the whole package that I am. Right from as early as i remember, I have always mispronounced T and D. My stupid tongue just refuses to align itself in the correct way when it comes to pronouncing these syllables. It didn’t help that in the period from class 6 to 9 i became a huge fan of BBC and CNN and used to watch these channels a hell of a lot. Why? Coz well...i started pronouncing R as W ( visualize an American pronouncing 'road'....it sounds like 'woad').
Hence, here i am today...having trouble doing one of the most fundamental things in life...speaking:(


No one in my family thinks its a problem. My cousin even today maintains that i don’t have an accent. My mom says its fine...nothing to bother abt. Unfortunately...that isn’t a sentiment shared by those not sanguinarily affiliated to me. What’s bothersome is that when i first meet sumone, the prima facie impression that the person develops is that i am arrogant, trying to show-off/trying to put on an accent.


It happened first in class 11 when i switched schools... my class mates asked me if i had ever been to France or to any place west of India. Then, when i first joined tuitions (again class 11), ppl there used to ask me the same damned question. It helped that i used to be a soft spoken fellow and pretty sincere with my studies back then (dunno how i am now in either respect) and so my teachers never found an occasion to be displeased with me.

Even in 11, i never thought the accent was anything serious. Of course there were times when ppl imitated it, mocked it, etc etc...(It didn’t help that the soft spoken moron had never used an abuse worse than...well... probably...moron). Consequence... i only became more aloof, kept as far away frm groups of junta as possible and often maintained a cold countenance to deter the sharks..and, ergo...enforced the haughty image.

(I never ever forget anyone or any incident where any asshole, whosoever, has mocked me for my accent and trust me...I’ve even had murderous tendencies towards one Mister Naween Kumar for certain incidents in the second year...but well...)


Then... Kgp happened. My first brush with the notion of ppl taking my accent as arrogance came within the first month...ramshankar, an angel who lived two rooms away frm me told me that he thought i put it on to stand out in the crowd. Over time, i got this confirmation from lots of ppl. Today, I don’t care abt what ppl who don’t know me think of me...those who know me know pretty well what the whole idea is. What i bother abt are my GD and interview. Those aren’t ppl with whom I’ll go to eggies, listen to champa's songs, swat mosquitoes and have tea while they get to know me. For them, it'll be...first impression...last impression.


Was sitting with the modern algebra book yesterday night from 1 to 4.30 am. So how much did i study?? I guess some 50 pages!! 50 pages of English literature that is. Theta, beta, degree, order, Euclidean,commutative, associative...they all make terrific exercises when u r trying to pronounce T and D correctly!!

Then there are more queer troubles...like if i need to shout out to call either of ID( Indrajit Das) or PD( Parijat Dhawal) , I cant!! Same for Adi!! Damned D!!


There's more, I’ve developed a kinda word editor in my mind...a word editor with auto-correct!! Instead of saying troublesome words, i use others. Like instead of saying reading, i often say 'going through'. Even otherwise, i subconsciously go thru the text I’m abt to speak and edit out words which i might mispronounce. Adikooldude might find it hard to believe that i think before i speak (he solemnly believes that i shoot frm the hip) but well....i compile and debug it too!!


Anyways, its time i quit escapism...am trying to root out the whole problem.


I've, or rather my accent has, been described varyingly as French, Italian, Russian, Spanish...I pray I can do a Mohan Bhargav(Swades) encore and get back to being Indian. Amen!!